Prince Not-So Charming

So who decided that Prince Charming was the gold standard of all princes? Did this person ever actually try to date? I'm pretty convinced she didn't. Because if she spent anytime outside of whatever fairytale she was living in, I'm sure she would realize Prince Charming a) is damn hard to find b) is charming for a reason.

In my experience charming means one thing...

He's had time to hone his charming skills and it wasn't by spending time with old ladies at tea parties.

The most charming person I know is a guy I went to college with. He's smart, handsome, clever, flirty and could basically charm the pants off anyone. And I'm pretty sure plenty of pants have fallen as a result. Charm takes practice ladies. It is not the natural state of most men.

So Cinderella basically gave it up to a man-whore. Kind of ruins that Disney movie for me. Really, should little girls all over the world want to meet a guy who doesn't even have a name? Haven't they seen Dateline on Friday nights?! And honestly, what guy is that into shoes anyway?

Let's be realistic, we've all met Prince Confused, Prince Non-Committal and Prince Creepy. Those guys are running around all over the place. They pop-up everywhere. I've experienced all they have to offer and so have you. And no one I know has even gotten a pair of uncomfortable shoes out of it.

So why do we keep looking for our own Prince Charming, even though conventional wisdom would tell us to give up? The same reason we keep buying hair products and expensive face creams. We are convinced that one day we will find the one that actually works and makes us realize what we've been living without for all these years.

It may feel like an urban legend, but I have friends who have found it (hair products, face creams and the guy!). They give me hope. I make them tell me their own fairytale whenever I feel like mine is only a bad joke with a lame punchline. They don't let me give up. They remind me that their Prince Charming is actually Prince Makes Me Laugh and Breakfast in Bed or Prince Squishy In The Middle But Always Thoughtful.

He's out there somewhere. In my case he's probably holding a running shoe instead of a glass slipper.

The Texter Comes A Callin'

Okay first of all sorry for so much dead air-time. I suppose if this were radio station I would lose my sponsors. I have no sponsors (and apparently no fans - hello people leave me some comments so I know this isn't a secret journal that just happens to be online!) so I can continue with my story....

So imagine this - last fall, went to a local bar with a girlfriend for the World Series, met two "dudes," one almost started a fight protecting my friend from a creep who claimed he wanted to impregnate her (isn't this a romantic story?), dude number two claims he had been admiring me at the gym for months (side note - keeping your headphones on at the gym apparently does actually work to keep creepy guys from talking to you while you are sweating and trying to workout), he got my number and never really learned how to dial it.

You see friends - this is how I met "The Texter"

Our first date was fine, we went to a bar and watched football. He wanted to do shots which was slightly weird, but I was in my "I am not actually ready to date anyone, I simply want attention from the opposite sex phase" so it was okay with me.

Date number two was my turn to plan so we went to the art museum for a cultural event and then had dinner. He seemed to enjoy himself and I believe there was a brief smooch at the door (part of this phase was also the invention of my "vertical kissing only" rule - more on that later).

Sadly, somewhere after date number two and oh.... about 2 hours ago, "dude" turned into "The Texter" - a guy who was incapable of dialing a telephone and asking me out like a normal person.

"dinner 2morrow"
"what u doin"
"hi"
"u around"
"watchin idol"

I had to quickly learn how to decipher mixed signals, poor grammar and complete ignorance to punctuation. In person he flirted and was chatty, then over the phone he was like a 14 year old boy talking to his buddies.

For months our "relationship" continued in a bizarre back and forth texting only dialogue. The guy NEVER called me. I don't know about the rest of you but I have a hard time getting to know someone when they only way they communicate is in 3 letter words and acronyms. I am a fairly sensible gal and appreciate the beauty of the brief text message, but seriously guys... texting is LAZY! If you are that lazy when you are trying to woo me, I don't even want to know the extent of your laziness. It got to a point that I would blatantly refuse to go out with him if he didn't actually pick up the phone and ask me properly (needless to say we didn't go out very often).

So I moved away and continued receiving an occasional text over the next several months. I heard nothing all summer and then tonight. BAM! A text. "hello how have you been?" I think my man drought has been detected all the way in my home state.

We communicated in our normal texting pattern and suddenly the unexpected happens. My phone rings. He not only learned how to use punctuation this summer, but he also learned how to dial.

His first comment was that he "can't take this texting anymore" so he decided to actually call. Our conversation was pleasant, mature and the longest I'd ever spoken to him over the phone. We promised to stay in touch.

It was sweet, "The Texter" actually seems to have matured over the past year. He went from debatable to dateable. If anyone is interested I can give you his number. Send him a text he'll love it.