The Science Of Dating

The only C I’ve ever received was as a senior in college, taking a basic level, but mandatory physics class I put off as long as possible. I try to blame it on the fact that I had mono and the class was at 8am. But who am I kidding… I really just hate science.

I don’t care so much how stuff happens, as long as it keeps happening and I don’t fall off the Earth and slip into orbit (I am deathly afraid of outer space and aliens).

That said… I have managed to retain a few bits of knowledge from my old mandatory science days:

- Mitochondria are the powerhouse of all cells
- Evaporation is a cooling process
- Once matter exists it never goes away

While items one and two aren’t so helpful on a deeper level (or even a daily basis, unless you walk around wet all the time) Item three has been the inspiration for a theory I’m always preaching to my girls…

Ex’s Cannot Be Friends

Although science is not my thing, dating is (not necessarily my best thing, but a big part of my life nonetheless). And a great deal of dating mystery is based on a complex scientific concept… chemistry.

Everything about two people could be a great match on paper, but if there is no chemistry, there is no point. I’ve tried to understand why I have chemistry with one person and not another and there is no explanation. When it’s there, it’s there and when it’s not… well then I end up on dates with guys who wear jorts or reference obscure 80’s songs or who for no explainable reason just don’t give me the butterflies (look at me mixing chemistry with entomology) even though they are cute and smart and successful and actually into me (a rare scientific anomaly).

But when that chemistry is there… yowza! It’s there and I feel spark and sizzle and eventually hope to have some fireworks. The catch is, dating is fairly absolute. Either you marry the person and live happily ever after or you break up. It’s harsh but true. Even though there are fireworks and sparks, most often that will fizzle and you’ve got a pile of ashes to clean up (or keep in the ex-boyfriend memorabilia box).

This idea of chemistry and matter got me thinking and begged the question… if chemistry is something that exists between two people that makes it matter (in the scientific sense) right? So what happens when the sparks stop? Once that matter matters, does it ever go away, even if he does?

Ladies and gentleman the answer is no. Matter never ceases to exist and that includes the chemistry you once had with an ex. Even if it’s not apparent now, it was there once and that NEVER GOES AWAY. This is science we are talking about here people. And science doesn’t lie (unlike the cheating bastard who broke your heart).

Stop trying to be friends with your ex. You are fighting science if you try. Even though you think it’s an innocent coffee date and that there are no feelings anymore… YOU ARE WRONG. They aren’t on the surface, but they are still floating around the universe. You broke up for a reason (if you don’t believe me then read It’s Called A Break-Up Because It’s Broken and they will convince you) so there is no need to go around trying to crash those atoms together again. The only thing you are going to get from all that atom crashing is a big messy explosion. And that is a lot worse mess to clean up than a regulated fireworks show.

And that my friends is your science lesson for the day. I hope you took good notes.

Class dismissed.

p.s. Now that we all know science plays such a large part in dating… fireworks, sparks, butterflies, chemistry, etc… I think this explains why I’ve been failing lately.