Dating like you've been dumped

You know when you intend to call an old friend, then you put it off and play some phone tag and then you realize it's been so long you don't know where to even begin? That is sadly what has happened here with the blog. But I'm back and I am going to put in the effort needed to keep this friendship going. That being said, my lack of blogging action does not translate to a lack of dating action. In fact, it's been just the opposite. Here's the story...

So dating like I've been dumped is really what I've been up to.

I just read through three half written posts that for whatever reason, I just never felt inspired to finish and share. They weren't bad, just sad. However, I can now happily say they make no sense in the context of my life. Re-reading them made me realize (once again) how quickly life can transform.

No, no, no... I'm not saying I'm not a single Chik these days. It's just that I've had a real attitude adjustment recently.

After the Hibernation of 08, The Dud and another unfortunate run-in with a guy "who is just not that into me, but gave me many signs to think he was" I was crabby. Really crabby. The kind of crabby that made me sob for no reason. Desperate to shake the ache of a long, lonely winter. Watching The Break-Up too many times to count. Having completely lost perspective on all the reasons it's great to be single.

Then a few things happened. I got a new job (thank GOD), I took some time off (much needed), I remembered all the things I love about living alone and being single (hello SSB... more to come on that), I shopped like a maniac (retail therapy is magical) and was then presented with a challenge.

See my friend SuperGirl and I went on a road trip and she threw down the gauntlet... two dates a week. Get back to the kind of dating that's fun and carefree. No hopes or expectations. No over-analyzing, no worries. Just fun and free dinners.

In other words... she made me realize I needed to date like I had been dumped.

See after the LCBU, I dated with no worries, fears and most importantly no expectations. I knew I wasn't equipped to handle a relationship and for that matter... I didn't want one. I just wanted to date. Have a laugh. Meet interesting people. Vertical kiss. Have good stories. The kind of stories the Married's love me for and have now come to expect (not sure if that's a good thing).

Then the flip switched. I went from wanting to date my ass off (as I proudly have for the past two years) to wanting to sit on my ass at home with someone I really liked. And that is precisely when dating went downhill.

So in the past two months I have successfully and shamelessly given my number to strangers, innocently smooched (he may or may not have still been in college), went on a date coordinated through a real-life match making service (think Millionaire MatchMaker here people), graciously accepted offers for set-ups, and partied like a rap guys girlfriend (a d-list rap guy from Tokyo that is).

And you know what. It's just what I needed. I feel revived. Hopeful. Happy. And just in time for summer.

So now I am passing along the challenge... date like you've been dumped. It's good for the soul. And good for the economy (lot's of dates translates to lot's of new clothes of course).

Taking tests can be hazardous to your mental health...

As I've said, I've got some time on my hands. Even if you don't...

TAKE THIS ONLINE QUIZ RIGHT NOW!

Apparently I am The Sonnet

The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD)

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?
Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.
Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.
You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand (DBSM), The False Messiah (DBLM), The Hornivore (RBSM), The Last Man on Earth (RBSD)
CONSIDER: The Loverboy (RGLM)

Funny. Everyone I am to avoid at all costs... yup, pretty sure I've tried dating all of you lately. I have a particular habit of falling for The False Messiah. The always just seem so great at first. oh I get it. Too good to be true. Uh-huh.

From now on I am going to use this as a screening process for all potential dates. Weird?

Entertain Me

Throwing parties is a secret favorite of mine... who am I kidding. Anyone who has known me for 5 minutes knows I love to entertain. It's in my blood. My mom's side of the family might take the gold medal for hostess with the mostest skills. I've learned from the best.

So tomorrow I am throwing a better late than never birthday party for L & L. Their b-days were in December.... Oops. But it's okay because this winter no one wanted to leave their house and venture out in the snow and ice and freezing temps unless I could promise really good things once they got here. Unless you love baked goods I doubt anything was worth coming over for.

Here we are in mid-April, as an homage to the groups mutual love for the wee little boy Chance Crawford (I don't care if he is young enough for me to have babysat at some point) I have themed the party Gossip Girl. This is also in honor of it's return next Monday, April 21. Have you all seen those promo posters?! Yowza. I've been trying my darndest to snag one for the party but can't seem to peel them off a building without ripping the thing to shreds. If anyone can snag me one by tomorrow it would be much appreciated. Gracias.

For those who don't know, recently I've found myself with more time on my hands than usual. I hate to be bored just about more than anything in the whole world so... I've been going a little nutty planning this party. Yesterday I bought fancy new cups at Crate and Barrell, I am planning on making tissue paper flowers to decorate the table, I'm putting together little goodie bags for everyone and the menu has taken me quite a bit of research time. Thank goodness the time on my hands is short term. I'd go broke from party planning.

This afternoon I made these delicious baby button cookies that are going to look darling in the new glass bowl I bought just for them.

I've also whipped up a homemade honey cinnamon frosting for the cupcakes I am making tomorrow.

Frosting is as follows:
- 1 stick of softened butter (the recipe called for unsalted but I just used regular butter and I think it tastes fine)
- 1.5 tbsp of honey
- 1/2 tbsp of cinnamon (as always, I use the good stuff from The Spice House)
- 1.25 cups of powdered sugar

I think we will also be having some type of fancy champagne cocktail (to go in the new glasses) mini-chicken pesto sandwiches, bloody mary shrimp cocktail and assorted nibbley things like nuts and dips, etc...

If you love frosting but don't have time to make cupcakes, I highly recommend that cinnamon frosting on pretzels. I may have had a few dips this afternoon.

Clearly, if anyone needs a party to be planned in the near future you know who to call.

Oh is that a ring your wearing... no you can't have my number

Dear Married Men/Guys With Girlfriends/Fiances or anyone in your life who assumes you are dating them -

Please take notice...

Do not hit on me, flirt, attempt to get my number, give me yours or even look remotely interested in talking to me. If I wanted to meet an a$$ I can do that without hurting someone else too. There are plenty of single jerks lurking around without you taken guys stomping all over their territory.

Believe me, if you stop trying to pick up chik's everyone will appreciate it. Probably your wife/girlfriend/fiance most of all.

You are ruining things for a) me and my single girlfriends who are trying to as hard as we can to not think horrible things about the male race b) your younger and more eligible counterparts who genuinely CAN talk to me in a bar but are scared off by your sleazy butt.

Thanks bunches!

xoxo,
That single girl in the bar you spent all of last Friday night talking to about your wife and 4 kids and then had the audacity to come on to.

p.s. Thanks for picking up our dinner tab! We actually didn't go home "because we are so tired." Really we went to a bar only a few blocks away to escape you and your little sidekick ; )

The Science Of Dating

The only C I’ve ever received was as a senior in college, taking a basic level, but mandatory physics class I put off as long as possible. I try to blame it on the fact that I had mono and the class was at 8am. But who am I kidding… I really just hate science.

I don’t care so much how stuff happens, as long as it keeps happening and I don’t fall off the Earth and slip into orbit (I am deathly afraid of outer space and aliens).

That said… I have managed to retain a few bits of knowledge from my old mandatory science days:

- Mitochondria are the powerhouse of all cells
- Evaporation is a cooling process
- Once matter exists it never goes away

While items one and two aren’t so helpful on a deeper level (or even a daily basis, unless you walk around wet all the time) Item three has been the inspiration for a theory I’m always preaching to my girls…

Ex’s Cannot Be Friends

Although science is not my thing, dating is (not necessarily my best thing, but a big part of my life nonetheless). And a great deal of dating mystery is based on a complex scientific concept… chemistry.

Everything about two people could be a great match on paper, but if there is no chemistry, there is no point. I’ve tried to understand why I have chemistry with one person and not another and there is no explanation. When it’s there, it’s there and when it’s not… well then I end up on dates with guys who wear jorts or reference obscure 80’s songs or who for no explainable reason just don’t give me the butterflies (look at me mixing chemistry with entomology) even though they are cute and smart and successful and actually into me (a rare scientific anomaly).

But when that chemistry is there… yowza! It’s there and I feel spark and sizzle and eventually hope to have some fireworks. The catch is, dating is fairly absolute. Either you marry the person and live happily ever after or you break up. It’s harsh but true. Even though there are fireworks and sparks, most often that will fizzle and you’ve got a pile of ashes to clean up (or keep in the ex-boyfriend memorabilia box).

This idea of chemistry and matter got me thinking and begged the question… if chemistry is something that exists between two people that makes it matter (in the scientific sense) right? So what happens when the sparks stop? Once that matter matters, does it ever go away, even if he does?

Ladies and gentleman the answer is no. Matter never ceases to exist and that includes the chemistry you once had with an ex. Even if it’s not apparent now, it was there once and that NEVER GOES AWAY. This is science we are talking about here people. And science doesn’t lie (unlike the cheating bastard who broke your heart).

Stop trying to be friends with your ex. You are fighting science if you try. Even though you think it’s an innocent coffee date and that there are no feelings anymore… YOU ARE WRONG. They aren’t on the surface, but they are still floating around the universe. You broke up for a reason (if you don’t believe me then read It’s Called A Break-Up Because It’s Broken and they will convince you) so there is no need to go around trying to crash those atoms together again. The only thing you are going to get from all that atom crashing is a big messy explosion. And that is a lot worse mess to clean up than a regulated fireworks show.

And that my friends is your science lesson for the day. I hope you took good notes.

Class dismissed.

p.s. Now that we all know science plays such a large part in dating… fireworks, sparks, butterflies, chemistry, etc… I think this explains why I’ve been failing lately.

Any Given Friday

Target on a Friday night. One of my favorite places to be.

Before I invested in a NetFlix membership I used to hit up Blockbuster. But then I realized that it's just depressing. If you want to know what all the single girls are doing on a Friday night (otherwise known as date night)... go check your local video store. I found my people. A bunch of chicks in sweats, fighting over the last copy of Under The Tuscan Sun or Love Actually. And to really drive home the gloom, the first time I went after the LCBU (life changing break-up) I realized I didn't even have my own video card any more. An unexpected reminder of how completely I had merged my life with someone. I think it's around that time I stopped renting movies. I'm convinced NetFlix was created by a girl who was dumped and realized she didn't want to face the shame of opening her own video rental account... again.

So... now that I've discovered NetFlix (the safe way to rent movies) I have a new favorite Friday night spot. Target. Retail therapy that serves a purpose. Instead of spending money on expensive stuff I don't need, now I can spend money on inexpensive stuff I don't need with a few practical items thrown in for good measure).

A recent Friday night at Target, my cart looked a little something like this at check out...

- Dog Food
- New socks
- Toilet Paper
- Cute apron on sale
- Diet Coke
- New LIVE John Legend cd (I don’t buy cd’s but this is only available in-store)
- Deodorant, body wash and tooth paste
- 3 boxes of cereal with sugar content well above what I was allowed as a child (mom your plan backfired... I'm working on making up for lost years with Fruity Pebbles)
- An array of items posing as an attempt to grocery shop without actually going to the "real" grocery store

The couple behind me...
- Bottled water
- A pint of ice cream
- Trail mix
- An energy bar
- A box of magnum condoms

SO. NOT. FAIR.

I guess now I should say Target on a Friday night USED to be my favorite place. I'm running out of options here people.

Soundtrack for Hibernating

I love mixed cd's. I love making them for myself and sharing them with others. Receiving them from friends. I think I do a pretty darn good job too. Over the years I've made a habit of creating soundtracks for different phases of my life... Happy Graduation, Tears, Get Over It, Dust Bunny Killers (for cleaning), Hello Stranger, Coffee House Blend, Summers 2002 - 2007, Feel the Burn, RoadTrip XYZ, Get it On, Angry Work Music, the list goes on and on and on... When I go back and listen to specific mixes I'm always surprised at what a reflection it is of my mindset at that point in time. A journal writen in someone elses words, but with my feelings behind it... and thank god someone else's voice!

I've also been accused of playing a song to death (ask any of my junior year roomates about Crazy - my apologoes AGAIN). As a result, many old favorites are an instant time warp machine back to a moment from my past. I've decided when I turn 30 I'm going to make a boxed set of greatest hits (and misses) from my 20's. Maybe I'll sell it online for 3 easy installments of $19.95 (I fell for that once. The cd's magically never appered on my doorstep. I'm pretty sure the mail lady at work was getting it on with my Smooth R&B as her background music).

So the most recent playlist that has been keeping me company (i.e. running on repeat day in and day out) while I hibernate looks a lil sometihng like this*...

Hibernation 08 (hopefully no versions '09 and '10)
Love Song - Sara Bareilles
The Fear You Won't Fall - Joshua Radin
Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy
Slow Dance - John Legend
Fallin In Love With You - Josh Kelley
Say - John Mayer
Up to the Mountain - Patty Griffin
Lost - Micheal Buble
New Soul - Yael Naïm
Better That We Break - Maroon
Forgiveness - Patty Griffin

I have to say I'm kinda proud it isn't full of more depressing music. I'm a HUGE fan of depressing songs so this is actually fairly upbeat for the dead of an abnormally frosty winter. And by frosty I am referring to the temp and my mood.

*Not sure what the legalities are for sharing music so I've not included the ACTUAL songs here. Everything is available on iTunes.